I came to this coffee shop on a blustery yet beautiful winters day to do some internet buuuuusiness but here I am contemplating how awkward it would be to go ask the fetching young barista with a manbun for the WiFi password…the answer is too awkward (why is there a password? WHY). So instead I’m going to write down some of the thoughts I’ve been thinking lately and post them on my blog where no one will ever read them and those who do happen upon them will move on to one of my more interesting and relevant posts. But hey, at least I got them out of my head!
I currently live in the Maritimes of Canada and, you might have heard, we’ve been having quite the winter; the worst in many, many decades from what I hear. Remind me why I chose to go to school here? Just last week, we got 86 centimetres of snow on top of the metre we already had which is by far the most I have ever seen first hand. Needless to say, I was stuck in my tiny apartment, bereft of any company, with precious little to do for five days straight. It started out great, I worked on my costume, watched Netflix for days on end, got caught up on my movie to-watch list, baked a little, journaled a little, all lovely and wonderful things….for so long. Then I needed more materials for my costume. I ran out of movies. I had too much baking for one person to eat. I couldn’t look at a screen for one more second without wanting to throw it across the room.
Perhaps because I had no one to talk to and too much time to reflect, I started going a little crazy. Thinking a lot of thoughts. I don’t really talk to my friends in real life about things I think because I usually can’t formulate my thoughts into coherent sentences. So I’m going to attempt to put words to my thoughts and string them together now when no one is listening to me. Just be warned: They are VERY random, spread right across the board from super insane anecdotes to thoughts on the state of humanity. But at least it’s a wonderfully accurate insight into my mind! Alright, strap in, let’s go on this journey.
I have written a post before about spending less time on the internet and I’ve realised that since I wrote that I’ve literally changed nothing. I feel a huge need to seek inspiration so that I can spend more time being creative and exercising my mind and less time vegging and surfing the web. The only problem is, and it’s kind of ironic, a vast majority (if not all) of my inspiration comes FROM THE INTERNET. I get the ideas for pretty much all of my creative endeavors from cosplay to DIY’s to recipes to whatever else from spending hours on Pinterest and YouTube and watching shows. I’m seeking inspiration to get away from the internet…the exact place where all my inspiration comes from. I wonder if it’s possible to force myself to see inspiration out in the real world when I’m doing everyday things? I feel like that would result in my creativity being manifested in a completely different way which I’m not sure I want. I don’t know… That’s thought number one which just frustrates me more than anything.
2) Forcing Myself to be More Intelligent?
I think this thought is definitely the product of having no one to talk to and having too much time to reflect on my own qualities. It all started when I watched Calvary, a grim yet excellent film that I highly recommend. As I watched that movie I felt that I missed a lot of the profound subtleties. I really, really enjoyed it but I felt like I needed to be just a few notches smarter to fully appreciate it. This happens to me a lot. Especially when I listen to people have extremely intelligent and fast paced conversations with well thought out philosophies and arguments being thrown around like it’s no big deal. It’s one thing in a movie where someone had time to formulate an intricate script. But when these conversations happen in real life, in real time – HO BOY do I ever envy those people. I struggle with formulating my own opinions, remembering things I’ve learned previously, talking about any sort of deep stuff and having real life, real time conversations that mean something. Lately I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s because I spend so much time staring at a screen, my mind completely idle. So I’ve decided to read. I’ve found that a lot of these super intelligent people read a lot…is that a valid observation? I don’t know…but I’m going to try it! I don’t think I’ve finished a book since high school and that’s FAR too long. I’ve read articles about how reading makes you more empathetic, improves your memory and analytical skills, all sorts of good things. So yeah, I’m gonna try that. I know it’s not a magical cure that will instantly unlock my inner genius but hey, it’s worth a shot. I’ve also started drawing more. I don’t really know what that’s going to do but I really enjoy it and it inexplicably feels like a step in the right direction.
3) Fascination with History
Let’s move on to happier things. Here’s a question that I have no answer for: Why am I so incredibly intrigued by the past? Literally all I want in life is to sew medieval clothing and go to ye olde renaissance fairs. And maybe LARP a bit. Why is LARPing a thing? It’s SO SILLY but I want to try it SO BADLY. I’m even thinking about modifying some popular medieval clothing pieces so that I can wear them in everyday life and have it be semi-socially acceptable. Why? I don’t know…I just love it. Please tell me if you share a similar fascination and/or obsession with the past and let me know if you have an explanation as to why you love it so.
4) I Dreamed a Cheese Dream
Let’s talk about cheese dreams. It’s an old wives tale that eating cheese before bed almost ensures that you will have some wild and wacky dream or nightmare. Last night I unintentionally discovered that there might just be some truth to this. As I was watching Princess Mononoke I had a lil snacky snack of some delicious cheddar cheese slices. Then the movie finished and I headed off to sleep. The dream that followed was one of the vividest and strangest I’ve ever had and I could remember almost every detail. Do you wanna hear about it? Probably not but I’m going to tell you anyways!
I’m pretty sure I was Emma Watson in this dream and I was with Sherlock the whole time. John Watson was there for a bit at the beginning but the details of that are fuzzy…all I remember is some Johnlock action goin on – which I do not ship in the least so no idea where that came from! Actually there were several homosexual relationships involved…but we’ll get to that. So I, Emma Watson, was pregnant with Sherlock’s child…that was an accident I think because there was some unknown drama tied to that. Sherlock and I were at the mall in the dream, and he bought me a dog and named it Simba which I promptly returned (WHY would I ever return a dog named Simba??). Then I randomly had a miscarriage which was quite unfortunate I must admit. But the dream moved right along to, that’s right you guessed it, Tom Hiddleston ladies and gentlemen! Apparently Tommy Hidds and Sherlock had been in a relationship and some random dude had meddled around in their affairs causing them to break up…There were some hard feelings needless to say. This is where it got REAL intense – so intense that everything turned into slooooow moooooootioon. Sherlock and Random Dude were in shops across the hall from each other. Tommy Hidds was walking up the hall of the mall. First Tommy Hidds sees them both. Then Sherlock and Random Dude lock eyes. They run at each other and it’s clear that someone is going to walk away from this maimed or seriously injured. Tommy starts to run to stop them. The mall goes into lockdown. And…that’s when I woke up and thought “woah…what just happened”.
Don’t get me wrong my dreams are always pretty spectacular and usually involve celebrities. But this was A NEW LEVEL of awesome. I’m now going to conduct an experiment and continue to eat cheese before bed because if I can control when I have sick ass dreams well…who wouldn’t want that?! I’ll let you know my findings.
5) Environmental Ignorance
Alright let’s get back to real life. Humans are royally ruining our planet. It’s the truth and everyone knows it. And yet…no one’s doing anything about it. Anything large scale, that is. Maybe even you reading this just dismissed me as a tree hugger and won’t pay any mind to what I have to say next? Hmm? It absolutely baffles me how people can be informed about how destructive and unsustainable most practices of our society are and just ignore them. Do they not realise that humans will not survive for much longer if we continue like this? And I’ve come to see as I learn about such topics in school that most of the reason no large scale movements have started is because of money. The economy would suffer. Shucks, that’s too bad. You know what else is gonna suffer? Your children when their society collapses because the world won’t support them anymore. I’m sure some efforts will rise as people see that the destruction is happening far faster than they realize but why are we waiting until then? That is just so illogical!
6) Holding Myself Back from Absolute Beauty
Finally let’s bring it ‘round to spiritual stuff. Man, I’m just hitting all the angles! Every Christian knows that maintaining a functional and healthy relationship with God is tough going…but why? It’s such a good and beautiful thing that literally only results in joy and receiving the best kind of help and unconditional forgiveness. Lately I’ve been struggling with just not making the effort to read my Bible or fellowship with other Christians and avoiding prayer because I don’t know what to say. But that seems so stupid when I actually think about it. SO STUPID and so lazy. And pretty shameful. I really need to try harder on that front.
Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighty. That was a lot of thoughts! Whoo. If you made it this far….why did you just read that?! It does feel super cathartic to write this all down though; perhaps I should do this more often. Thoughts, man. Thoughts. They’re a good thing.
I promise my next post will be on something interesting that you are more likely to want to read. Most likely my Hiccup cosplay which I’m so close to finishing!