Journal Snippets: Can I Be 19 Forever?

“October 9, 2014

… I didn’t think that phase of life where all my friends start getting married would come so soon, but here it is! I feel so old and I don’t like it. I recently came to the conclusion that I would really like to be 19 forever; it’s the perfect age. Any older and I’ll be a proper adult and no one wants that. I love being at college and learning and being independant yet still being able to spend my summers at home and calling my momma at any time to get me out of a bind (props to you mom, I know you’re probably reading this). I enjoy how fresh and new independence feels right now and I know it won’t be so exciting for long. Before I know it the novelty will wear off; I’ll be living a real life and I’ll want to come back to right here – wrapped in my TARDIS blanket sitting on my new couch in my new apartment that smells faintly of gange procrastinating from a field report by watching Community and journaling.

I know that I’ll look back at this time which makes me feel like I have to make the most of these years. I’ve got some crazy shit on that bucket list of mine and now’s the time to do it! It makes me a little anxious to realize that these are ‘the good days’ and I’m a little scared that I’m wasting them but I’m so glad that I’m so happy. So happy! I often just sit thinking about how friggin awesome my life is and thank God for blessing me in pretty much every possible way.

I really need to appreciate and enjoy this happiness right now because I know with relative certainty that life isn’t always going to be so peachy. So if I’m looking back and reading this from some time in the future when life really sucks, I’ve got some things to say to you/me. Just think about Skyping with your two best friends while one of them tries on her freshly purchased white gown that makes her grin so wide her nose crinkles. Think of laughing so hard with your roommate that she starts into that howling laugh of hers that she reserves for only the most hilarious of situations. Think about how many stupid conversations you’ve had with your twin that would make absolutely no sense to an outsider looking on but that’s okay because you understand each other. Remember that time when you learned about the things you love most in school and the average day of class was spent having crazy adventures in the wilderness. Remember when you were planning a trip to the land of your dreams to be the maid of honour in your kindred spirit and her ginger companion’s big day. When you got to ride a beauty of a horse for free all throughout college. When you were involved in just enough new ventures to feel challenged but mostly exhilarated … I really hope life is this fantastic for a long time yet, but when the hard times come I’m so glad I have this time to look back on. Because right now I’m so happy. ”



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