When Will My Life Begin?

I’ve realized something; something that I’ve been unconsciously doing that actually has a major impact on how I’m living my life and I think it’s something that affects a lot of people my age. What is that something, you ask? I shall enlighten you. I am always waiting. Whether it’s as small as waiting to apply for scholarships until I have more to put on my resume or as big as waiting be content about my love life until I’ve found my ginger-Scottish-fiddle-playing-nerdy-Zachary-Levi-esque husband, I am always waiting.

I have come to realize that my mentality has been in this place for quite a few years. In high school, I was waiting to develop my own style and personality until I left the province and became more independant. When I took a gap year after high school I was working during the day and vegging out at night just waiting until my life started in college. Now that I’m in college, I feel as though I’m just waiting for the time after school where I plan on travelling a bit. And sometimes I’m not even sure what I’m waiting for, everything is just on hold.

I feel very much like Rapunzel trapped in that darned tower singing longingly out the window asking when her life will begin. But here’s the thing: for me, there is no tower. What is it that’s trapping me from finding joy in living in the moment? Nothing! Why can’t I enjoy every day as it comes and not be constantly looking into the future? I can! WOAH. My life has begun; in fact, it began 19 years ago at a hospital in a tiny Canadian town. And it makes me a bit sad to think about all the time I’ve spent thinking “Oh man, next year things are going to be so awesome” while I had a perfectly good year to spend in that moment.

Anyways, the point of this isn’t to feel sad about time wasted waiting, it’s to feel excited about the fact that there is no tower blocking me from re-starting my life. Obviously it’s good and fun to look forward to things in the future, but now I’m going to try to make a conscious effort not to neglect the time I have now. There are so many adventures to be had, why not have one right now?

Kristy

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2 thoughts on “When Will My Life Begin?

  1. Very interesting and well written Kristy. The power of now is a really good concept. Meditation helps for deeper insight too. Jasmine

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